it is so terrible when u care so much for this person yet u noe that, it cant reach him. who will noe that how much i dun wan to leave him? but i cant. i cant be so selfish and keep on giving him troubles. i have to noe how to take care of myself and live my life without him.
i have to find my motive in life and the things i wan to do. even not for the future, but at least for now. everyday im keeping myself busy. at least doing something but not sit at a corner and start to think of him and cried.
i didnt see him for around one mth le. i dunno how long it is going to continues. maybe im not going to see him in the near future already? or perhaps one day in the street we will meet each other again? if we are still tgh, 10 more days will be our 9th months. i noe i sound very stupid to be still counting for the dates. and ppl will ask me why i cant jus let it go. i really still miss him lots and i dun deny. i did say before, theres ppl that can be very wei da that even the person they love doesnt love him/her, but if they can see the other party happy, they will be contented. ive said i cant do such things. or not able to do so. but now im already left with no choice. rather see him not happy, i rather he's happy. that simple.
facts are so cruel. when we are tgh, every month the dates seems so memorable. when we are not, it seems so terrible. like the time is so difficult to pass.
heard of cases when ppl break up, they will not contact each other at all. either one party or both party. another case is they will still contact each other and remain as normal fren. one more is they will still contact each other and they are their best pals for their rest of their life. thats the best ending. but i belong to the first case. im not avoiding him but god jus dun give us a chance to meet. i cant. i noe i cant purposely to go and look for him. it will not help but worsen it.
the fact is, i really cant bear to leave him but i noe i cant.
