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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

im sorry. i cant do anything for you. all i have done is giving you troubles, troubles and troubles. im really sorry. im always the one giving you problems, making things difficult for you since the day we met. i always think that im right, making you feel bad. you dun have to be responsible for the promises you made. even you didnt hold on to your promise, i wun blame you. i jus wan you to be happy, even the reason is not because of me. im sorry for all the trouble caused.

xueying is dead.

is my existance for real?

i often ask myself this question. it appear like you doesnt need mi anymore. whether im there or not, is not important at all. questions always pass through my mind. wad are you doing now? are you alright? wad are you busy with? many many things strike pass. it almost reach a limit where i cant take it. every night, i have to keep thinking and thinking till my mind really cant take it and have to rest. ppl always ask mi to think on the positive side. say there's nothing much for me to be worried about. but its said easier then done. when u need mi, i'll be there. when i need you, i try not to disturb you. is that wad i shld do? is that only wad i can do?

*i noe i will be blame for unreasonable again.

everyday gonna be in sch from 8.30 to 5.30.. except for wed can go off at 3.30. projects are coming out one by one le. sooner or later i wun even have time for myself. now is like a bit of holiday mood cos i have less one project then others. but this makes mi have time to let my mind went wild. so many things are keeping flashing through my mind and i cant stop it. i heed advice from other ppl, thinking whether i have done the right thing? have i given you too much pressure? but i still cant get a correct answer.
when 5.30 is reaching, i'm not happy that i can leave the sch, but im worried wad am i gonna do next. i was been told to give u time to do your things, so that u can have time for urself. but i have to be there alone. we are getting more and more different. the way we look at things, the way we spend the time. no matter how many times i pick up this topic and talk abt it, it jus end the way which i dun wanna it to be. i cant find someone which i can really tok abt it.
if u noe wad i shld do, pls let mi noe. i might reach a limit which is something that i cant take it anymore. not anymore.

XUEYING ♥

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